I’ll Be Me will blow your mind and break your heart

Glen Campbell and his family have done a great thing for all of us who live with loved ones who bravely live with dementia and Alzheimer’s http://glencampbellmovie.com

GLEN CAMPBELL I’LL BE ME Official Movie Trailer – YouTube

 

Connection, worthiness, shame, shame, shame! (and Fugazi)

Here’s a very popular TED talk, a story that continues to be re-told by all kinds of people – spiritual gurus, coaches, bartenders, artists, blah-ggers. She’s not a wizened wise woman, she’s kinda Top-40, looks like Martha Stewart (but didn’t have to go to prison to have a breakdown or learn humility) but she nails the talk. She speaks to the obsessive perfectionists among and within us, who don’t want to explore any sticky childhood stuff in our pasts before we moved away, broke away, changed our names, to the Successful Self who just want “the tools, the strategies,” the instant cure to take away the pain of failure or feeling lame.

Brene Brown on vulnerability, connection, worthiness, shame

If, after you watch this TED talk from 2010, and you want 20 more minutes of Mrs. Brown two years and 10 million hits later, check it out.  She gets deeper into the differences between guilt and shame. You know: “I’m sorry because I made a mistake” vs. “I’m sorry I am a mistake”  & If we’re waiting to take a risk until we’re “bulletproof and perfect,” we’ll be waiting for ever.

 

 

 

 

Erasing the Stigma of Mental Illness – award for musician Michael Angelakos

Thanks to Shawn Amos, Stereogum and Didi Hirsch Mental Health Clinics, we get to hear a nice speech by the singer of the band Passion Pit. Hear the speech and watch a video of how Michael Angelakos lives with bipolar disorder, which he and his wife regard as “an uninvited guest” and greet it with “hard work, humility and humor.”

He’s grateful to be alive, to have love, and to be an artist: “I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than taking pain and anger and confusion – all that Life gives everyone, really, and turning it into something beautiful and fun and engaging.”

 

A giant human reason to hug a Comic-Depressive today

Screen shot 2013-02-25 at 10.21.58 PMI am seriously fascinated by comedy. I am not alone in being afflicted with a love of humor to the point of very unfunny over-analysis. I’m sure there are others out there who wonder about what’s so funny about funny, and how come Funny blossoms from the shit of Sad. I’ve been lucky to meet some of these people, connoisseurs and nerds,  and have learned so much from them. I haven’t met Patton Oswalt, but two of my friends have, and they made a beautiful 10 minute film profile of him, called “To Be Loved and Understood.” Click here and watch it. Then come back and read the rest.

It is kinda funny that the one thing that makes you maybe more perceptive, and maybe more funny, also makes you much more vulnerable and thus not as successful as a human being in so many ways. — Patton Oswalt

Once, I got to ask James Hillman why not enough has been written on Soul in comedy. While I asked him this sincere question, John Cleese was sitting in the same audience I was. I was pretending to not know this, hoping to impress the Python, to provoke something amazing to happen, maybe an impromptu skit-jam by which we would murder the crowd, together — John Cleese, Jim Hillman, and me… Hillman’s head darted to Mr. Cleese, who sat impassive, lost in his own space/time oasis, pondering fine wines, or maybe locked in a depressive fugue. The great depth psychologist drily answered me what I already knew — that writing seriously about humor is too difficult, just doesn’t work, takes all the fun out of it… The moment passed, nobody laughed. I wasn’t hoisted up on anyone’s shoulders, I sat back down, just the way most of life goes.

I have found a way to try and make sense of my life in a way that makes people laugh and gets me attention and makes me feel better about myself...There could not be a more basic human need right there: to be loved and understood… And I just try and recreate it again and again.    — Patton Oswalt

It’s not a revolutionary idea that comic genius is often borne of pain, sadness, feeling lame, getting revenge, etc. There’s an endless number of examples of comics and comedians who embody this. I’m not going to make a full roll-call here, because that story can sometimes lead to very sad and depressing stories that end in suicide or in Nutty Professor movies.

What’s become clear is that many comics and comedians working today wear their depression or anxiety on their sleeves. Yet, some don’t or can’t. Seinfeld doesn’t do that so well.  Will Ferrell (from Irvine) is reputedly very straight, un-weird and happy in real life. Sarah Silverman’s not depressed dark, but she did grow up as a bedwetter. Tig Nataro is a heroic cancer (and family) survivor and her champion Louis CK is everyone’s favorite cuddly curmudgeon.  Mark Marron is making anxiety and depression his whole thing, even playing therapist parlor games with anyone down for a Naked Lunch. There was an article in the LA Times a few years back about how the Laugh Factory put on its payroll an on-call psychotherapist to be available for the comics who worked there; Paul Rodriguez was interviewed for that article. ******** The man of the hour today is Patton Oswalt, who lays down some serious science in the film “To Be Loved and Understood.” Watch it to see how Julien Nitzberg badgers and bullies him to cry in his hotel room, and regret making the film, which is beautifully shot by Ross Harris. (Just kidding, Julien).

It’s very comforting for me to try and look at these terrible decisions I make…the profound limits of my intelligence and empathy and then try to relate it to a much bigger thing in life and maybe not feel so alone.  That maybe you’ll go “It’s not just me doing this, it’s a whole giant human reason that this thing is going down.”       — Patton Oswalt

 

Critics taking the fun out of every/anything

Wow! Loving music, learning about music, exploring music and digging bands and being both picky and a push-over/worshipper is getting trickier every day. Recent LA Weekly article on the “20 worst hipster bands” bugs more than any of the bands that bum out these frustrated musicians fronting like cultural cognoscenti out to get respect for their rapier hipster-haterism. I’m glad Falling James or John Payne did not contribute to this self-consciously self-hating self-aggrandizing critic circle-jerk. Maybe these grown-up writers (the only ones I will mention by name) are too busy loving music and trying to express how the phenomenon of goodness (and badness) can be harnessed by words, and doing their best to explore and search out frontiers for themselves and others. But the article–

The whiny too-witty writers of this article should be congratulated on their typing skills, their gift with garrulity and gab, their iPaddy poetics, and their keen pulse-knowing hater powers.  I don’t really want to pile on more alliteration and hip dazzling verbiage in tearing them or the article down. They take the fun out of it. They take the fun out of trying to live as an artist or being in a band (which most of us/them are not) and make it a drag to make a point…It’s hard to refrain from cutting them down and claiming that hipster-hating has jumped the shark.

Yet, it’s a super funny article and you should read it. It can be used as a litmus test (do they still use litmus paper in Chemistry class?) to your own powers of individual thinking. You can ask yourself: Do I really enjoy Bright Eyes? Are Black Keys getting better or worse? Am I embarrassed when I hear the magnetic zeros sing loudly and happily? Or, maybe you’ll get turned onto some new music which hopefully you’ll like for your own reasons, and not be seduced by some self-serving over-hypenating-hipster critic drowning in their self-reflexive-schaudenfreude envy. Hatesters?

 

 

Watch out, that Secret can make your fingers sticky!

The other day I was at Staples, sending a fax. I’d brought my daughter along, and she was admiring the cameras while I waited in line to pay a little more than two dollars. As I waited, I recalled the scene in the 1972 film Paper Moon where the 9 year old girl and her partner pulled a con on a saleslady.

The man pays with a large bill, which was marked on the back “Happy Birthday Addie.” When the girl comes later to pay for her candy, she pays with a 5-spot, and gets her $4.75 change. As she counts her change, she tells the lady that she’s been short-changed, that she’d paid with a 20 dollar bill. The saleslady corrects the girl, the girl cries and creates a noisy scene. The manager comes and digs out the 20 which Addie tearfully tells him has her name on it, which he sees, and commands the saleslady to give her $19.75 and another piece of candy.

As I was waiting for my change for the 20 I gave the very nervous, very young cashier, Paper Moon playing in my mind, I idly wondered, “What if this guy thought I gave him a 50 dollar bill? It would be so cool to come up on some extra free money, buy my daughter something…” I watched him count me out $47.22 in change, “–and 22 cents makes 50. Thanks and have a nice day — Next!”  I walked away, stunned, counting the money. The receipt showed I’d given him a 50, I was instantly a much richer man.

And suddenly I was a bad man. A magical and manipulative man! A dangerous Secret-wielding man, using the law of attraction to come up on some cash and possibly get a kid fired from his new job. There he was with brand new Dickies, a stiff black belt, creases still in his uniform shirt, sweat on his pimply brow, probably his first day. He was clueless to his mistake, and helpless to my power.

I gathered my girl, and told her to watch her daddy save a guy’s job and Do The Right Thing (in righteous capital letters).  He was grateful, but smart enough to keep it low profile. I wonder if he’d ever seen a 50 dollar bill in his life, when was the last time and aren’t they kind of odd? And where do you put the 50’s and the 100’s in the register? Under the change drawer, with the checks, as I remember — so what the hell was he thinking? Apparently whatever I wanted him to think.

I had inadvertently attracted money I actually wanted into my life, but in a way I did not know I was capable.  It would have been evil — or at least sleazy — of me to keep the money, and I believe would have only attracted more misery, later. I’m glad I didn’t have to keep it as a dirty little secret. I wouldn’t have been able to share the con here with you, but only with the shadiest of my friends in the criminal underworld, where my daughter and I would have undoubtedly tail-spun down into…

So watch out for what you ask for, and keep track of what you believe in, cause what you ask for could fall into your hands in the weirdest way, when you least expect it.